How My Relationship with My Body Has Changed Since Motherhood

Why i prioritize whats on the inside.

As many of you will be familiar now, i am a mother of 2-under-4. That feels a little sureal to say outloud. In just 4 years, my body has been through 2 pregnancies. That means hormonal changes, breastfeeding, stretched skin and a whole lot more. I have also grown 4 yearls older. The person i am today is not the person i was when i was 17. That statement would still be true regardless of my children. My youngest will be 18months in just a few days (woah that came in quick) and i have spent more of time reflecting on the last four years than i ever have before.

Before my second pregnancy, my body was just a body. I had no true understanding on how the female body works. I only recently found out what happens during our cycles and how its more than just a period! I also had little understanding what happens to our whole reproductive system and how it is affected by pregnancy and postpartum. My lack of knowledge after having jasmine caused me to have extremely bad relationships with food and my body image as a whole. That said you might be thinking - what changed since then? It all started with breastfeeding.

My breastfeeding journey didnt last nearly as long as i imagined with Jasmine. I switched to formula feeding just 2 weeks in. Again, due to a severe lack of knowlege, i was let down. I blamed myself, i blamed my body. I couldn't possibly understand why i couldnt do the one thing women have been doing since the dawn of time. When i fell pregnanct with Rosie, i was determined this time would be different. I researched alot during my pregnancy, i bought all the no.1 products off the internet. Although my journey this time was longer than the last, it still wasnt as long as i hoped for. I breastfed Rosie untill she was 4 and a half months old. I didnt switch this time due to mastitise or cracked, painful nipples, i switched because for some reason my body stopped producing milk. Again, my body had failed me. Everything was going so perfectly and it just stopped. This is when everything changed. I needed answers. I started researching a little deeper. I started to learn more about my body than ever before.

When i started to understand the true meaning to being healthy - which by the way is completely different for females - i stopped prioritizing fitting into a size 6 dress and dreaming of a boob job. I was once a girl so insecure and uncomfortable in her own skin because of the false teachings from society and social media. I am a 21 year old young woman who has had 2 beautiful babies in the space of 4 years. My body did not fail me. I simply just didnt understand it. My attention to health focuses on my gut, mind and soul. I started focusing on the inside - because thats what matters.

I am now one year postpartum, my body is still recovering. Thats what im doing now. I am recovering on the inside. I don't count calories. I count nutritional value. I look at my dinner plate and no longer fill with dread, but gratefulness that i am able to provide my body value with flavor. I don't look at my bloated belly and regret last nights snacks, i recognize my body is flowing in its cycle. My hips are wider because i was lucky enough to carry my beautiful girls. My c-section scar is a reminder of how the most amazing doctors and midwifes saved me and my little girl, what a beautiful story i get to tell. My mission now and for the rest of my life will be to continually learn and understand what it really means to be healthy as a female, so i can give my daughters all of the knowledge and understanding they need so they are never that girl i once was.